Tis the season, the year is wrapping up shortly, and I like to take time to reflect on what has happened till this point.
This year has been somewhat of a rollercoaster. There were some lows, there were some highs, but overall the year has turned out for the better. I have changed in ways that felt noticeable, and have made new friends and also explored the city more. These are things that I never thought I would have been able to push myself to do at that start of this year.
When you are at the end of a year, there is a tendency to be disappointed you didn’t do more. That you didn’t make all these life altering decisions, finally got yourself to do things you were wanting to do. It can feel like it was time wasted. This year, I have learned to let go of that feeling.
I don’t think this year was wasted at all. I am relatively healthy, I have great friends, a great relationship, and a hope for a better future. Those things are what get me up out of bed everyday. All of these things use my time in the most fulfilling way possible.
What is difficult about letting go is that for a lot of my life, I have felt aimless. It all became apparent around the end of my high school years. I remember being unsure of what career I wanted to focus on and looking to my peers around me who seemed to have it all figured out. In college I went for Liberal Arts to try and find the thing people sought, direction. I never did though, I stopped school after my associates. That feeling I experienced in high school has followed me all the way into my adult life. At 26 I still feel I am just as lost as I was when I was 17. This thought in previous years would send me into a tail spin of shame. That I was lazy, amounted to nothing, all of these harsh things.
This year something shifted. I have become kinder to myself. I came to realization that I won’t ever be truly fulfilled by a career. I always envied people who could just go to college for the what they wanted to do, follow through, and live their life doing that thing. It always felt there was a defect in me. But something I learned is that I do not derive much pleasure from career advancement or the rat race of it. Yea, you could argue it is a bit of the “kids don’t want to work these days” mentality, but I don’t believe that’s where this is coming from.
It just comes down to I value comfort in my career. I have been at my current job for around 6 years. It isn’t a notable job. It isn’t as high paying as others may want. And yes, I could be striving for a lot more. But, it puts food on my table. It keeps me relatively comfortable. And it isn’t overall stressful. It has made me appreciate having it. Yea, it can get annoying. But I am just fine here for now.
For me, my passions really lie in what I can do outside of my job. My hobbies, my art, my writing, my family and friends. Those are the things that truly mean the most to me. There is so much I want do with the little time I have on this earth, and if I am going to do anything, that is what I want my time spent on.
I want 2026 to be a year of personal growth. I started that this year, but I want to shift away from career worries and focus on how I spend my time outside of that. I have ADHD, which is what troubles me about this goal in particular. ADHD causes me to struggle immensely with focus. So remaining dedicated to hobbies is a particularly difficult task for me.
I also hope to make even more friends! I cannot understate how much making new friends this year has completely altered my world view and self worth. I never thought it would touch my soul in such a way, but it has. I hope to continue to find people to share my life with, and to discover myself and do new things I may have never gotten the chance to do without going out there and seeking it. I am hoping to volunteer more this year and find people that way.
I am not going to beat myself up about progress anymore. I am choosing to go at my own pace and if I manage to follow through, then that’s great. But who knows what the year ahead holds, it could be the best year, the worst year, or the most uninteresting year in my life. You can never know what will happen. I will always try my best though. I think that is all anyone can do.
I want to take the last portion of this blog post to thank you all who are reading still. Most of you are my friends who are wanting to support me. I know I am not consistent with this blog, and sometimes I am rambling about a whole lot of nothing. But it is because of you that I have had some of the best moments of my life. I look back on my time most fondly when it involves my loved ones. Knowing I have a few of you always checking on this blog, feels like I always have little cheerleaders rooting for me. It brings me a lot of comfort. You could be doing anything else with your time. But you are here listening to me.
Thank you <3. I am not good with words, but even when I don’t say it, I wish you knew how much you make an impact.
I hope your year treated you well. And that next year treats you better. Stay safe.
Till next time.
-Erin
Orbitedbyerin 