Recently, I came across a game that was meant to played on your own. It was by the creators of We’re Not Really Strangers, which is social game where friends and you take turns pulling cards and answering the questions given. I own the base game from this company, and I played with a group in the past. The questions in the game are supposed to break the ice and lead into further discussion.
They released a version that is a self help edition called “Self Love”. It plays the same way, but is meant to be introspective rather than a social experience. It was discounted, and so I thought it’s worth a shot.
The game is set up as such. There are three levels. Level 1 is Past. A level that asks questions regarding your past self. Level 2 is present. Questions will be geared toward who you are as a person in the now. And Level 3 is the future. Questions are asking things in regards to what is ahead. You pull the card and it will have one question on it. The idea is to ask yourself all the questions in each level, to then end on the “final card”.
What I have decided to do is to use the questions as writing prompts. I will randomly pick and answer one question on the game’s card per blog post. I wanted to get more sentimental on this blog, and this is a good starting point. I like answering a question when I write, it helps guide my thoughts. I am going to start off on level 1, and go from there.
The first level 1 question is…
“What’s a recent change you’ve noticed in yourself?”
My self esteem is improving. Something I have long struggled with.
Something about this year has changed me fundamentally. The type of change that feels inescapable. I have a hard time putting into words what I am experiencing, but it feels like a net positive.
The beginning of this year was a low point for me. I won’t delve into specifics here, but there were a few different things that came to a head around January and February. During this time, I was feeling my most lost. Career wise, relationship wise, life wise. It all felt to be surging at the same time.
After a few months of feeling low, it felt as though I had found a light at the end of the tunnel. That was when this shift started becoming noticeable. Something I had been wanting to do for a long time was to make new friends. It would push me out of my comfort zone, as well as foster new experiences. I have always pushed this off, out of a fear of judgement. What if I make a fool of myself? What if I say something wrong? Will people even like me? Fear of judgement has been a long standing issue in my life. I think this fear has held me back from so much and prevented me from improving myself.
Which is why, strangely, even though I wasn’t feeling my best yet, it felt like the right time to try. It was a coping mechanism that was healthy. This shift was teaching me something, I don’t want to isolate myself anymore. So I went on this app called Meet Up. I was unsure of how to approach trying to find new friends. I had seen this app talked about around the online spaces when it came to trying to find friends in an irl setting. I decided to give it shot. I focused my efforts on hobbyist groups in the city I live close to, and found one that seemed casual enough. They met about once a week, and seemed to just take an hour or two to talk about gaming. I figured this was the best way for me to dip my toe in the water.
Before my first meeting with them, I was shitting bricks. Social anxiety turns my guts inside out. I remember the day of I had that all too familiar feeling of wanting to back out. But I didn’t, which is a huge step for me. I went and while I was nervous, I was there. That seems insignificant for some, it was in a way a profound step in the right direction for me.
And you know what? I hang out with folks from that group on a regular basis now. We actively have movie nights, drink and chats, go to festivals, etc. I mean we have a Godzilla movie night planned for tomorrow (We are watching Godzilla vs Destroyah btw. My first group meeting introduced me to Godzilla fans what are the odds?). I have met and befriended a lot of cool people. After the initial meeting, I have not once felt a nuisance or that my presence is a problem. In fact, I have had so much positive feedback that I think it has rewired my brain.
It has instilled a new sense of confidence. I notice it in a lot of things now. Meeting new people doesn’t feel so daunting and anxiety inducing. I can handle rejection and not be destroyed by it. I have desperately chased this feeling, and while it’s no where near perfect and still needs time, it is sure a hell of a lot better than it once was. It is comforting. I even feel it may be making me more bold with my best of friends and my family.
I hope this change stays the course. I will do everything I can to keep it that way.
Orbitedbyerin 